Christmas Jokes
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
They both drop their needles
What's Christmas called in England ?
Yule Britannia
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it
Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ?
Beacause a little water ends both of them
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?
A pineapple
What do you give a train driver for Christmas ?
Platform shoes
What did the big candle say to the little candle ?
I'm going out tonight
Whats happens to you at Christmas ?
Yule be happy
How long does it take to burn a candle down ?
About a wick
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve
How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D"
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail
Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him
Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus
How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks
Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake
Tarzipan
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else
What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ?
My pop is bigger than yours
Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey - he's always stuffed
What bird has wings but cannot fly ?
Roast turkey
Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?
Your teeth
We had grandma for Christmas dinner ?
Really, we had turkey
Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?
You get tinsel-itus
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y