Golf Jokes
1; "You're going to have to watch my ball as I don't see too well anymore."
2; "No problem. I got eyes like a hawk."
1st guy hits the ball.
1; "Did you see it land?"
2; "Yeah, but I forget where."
A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"
Joe was teeing off from the men's tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.
A few days later, Joe got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.
Coroner: "Joe, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"
Joe: "Yes, sir, that's correct."
Coroner: "But Joe, I also found a golf ball wedged in her butt."
Joe: "Was it a Titleist 3 ?"
Coroner: "Yes, it was."
Joe: "That was my mulligan."
Three hackers head off for a fun round, and while they are paying their green fees the local pro comes up and asks if they mind if plays along with them. They agree hoping to get a few free tips out of the pro and head up to the first tee.
The first guy heads up to the tee, and smack, a spectacular slice off into the bush. The other two gus look at the pro and say "So what did he do wrong?". The pro simply answer "loft".
The next guy heads up to the tee, and crack, a wild hook off into the bush on the other side of the fairway. The other two gus look at the pro and say "So what did he do wrong?". The pro simply answer "loft".
The third guy heads up to the tee, and plink, he dribbles the ball about 50 yards up the fairway. The other two gus look at the pro and say "So what did he do wrong?". The pro simply answer "loft".
The pro goes up and bam, 300 yards straight down the fairway. As he heads back to his bag the other guys come up to him and say "OK, each of us hit the ball horribly, in completely different ways, yet you said we all did the same things wrong . . . loft. What does that mean?"
The pro answers, "Lack Of F***ing Talent"
A man tees off on the first green and hits the perfect shot -- a hole in one. He runs to the green to retrieve his ball and when he does out comes a genie. "I am the genie of the first green. For getting a hole in one I shall grant you one wish."
Without giving it a second chance the guy wishes for a big dick. The genie says wish granted then disappears. Well, the guy looks down into his pants only to find no change. "Oh well, I came to golf so I'll finish the round." As he completes each hole he begins to notice a change -- his dick IS getting bigger. In fact, by the time he finishes the 18th hole he has to tuck it in his sock. "Look at me. I'm a freak. I can't stay like this. I've got to do something about this." So he goes back to the first green and again hits a hole in one.
This time when the genie arrives the guy says, "I wish for longer legs."